Whiskey Lullaby
by aislingforstars
Summary: “What have you done?” she whispered, her worst fears realized.' A recommended read even if you're not a fan of Tristan. [Song fic] [One Shot] [Complete]


**Disclaimer: **sadly, I do not own Gilmore Girls. I also do not own "I could not ask for more" by Edwin McCain or "Whiskey Lullaby" by Brad Paisley.

**A/N: **This is my new story...whew. I hope you guys like it, I've been writing for a while. And this is by far the longest thing I've wrote to date! anyway...enjoy!

**Quick Note: **If some of the spelling and grammar is off it's because I wanted to get this up and didn't re-read it. So if there are any mistakes let me know and I'll take care of them...thanks!

- - -

His name was Tristan DuGrey. He came from an elite family in Hartford Connecticut. He got everything he wanted, until he met her. _She_ was the first person that did not fall for his charm and he did not know how to deal with that, everyone he ever met always fell for him, for either his looks, charm, even money. However, _she _was the first person that seemed disgusted by it and she was.

In his school he got ever girl he ever wanted, even the ones he did not want. He was king and everyone knew it. However, on that faithful day, he saw her for the first time, he knew right off the bat _she_ was different but he kept telling himself _she _was just a conquest. He knew from the moment he nicknamed her, she was not. No matter how many times he told himself that _she _was just a conquest, he never truly believed himself.

No matter how many times he told himself he did not care what _she_ thought, he knew he did. He could not help but get hurt every time _she _shot him down. Every time he screwed Summer he knew _she _was somewhere with her boyfriend. He could not help but feel jealous, that guy had the one thing he truly wanted but could not have, the one thing money could not buy. The one thing he could never have.

His home life was not a great one. He and his parents argued all the time. Depending on the day, it was a different argument each time. One time he went as far as busting his door down when he found out his parents went through his room. For what? He never found out.

Tristan was the kind of person that built up walls for protection, no one every really knew why. His walls were big and strong, he went through a lot of pain at some point in his life or he watched someone close to him go through a lot of pain and built his walls so he would not have to go through the same pain. He did not trust people easy, it was hard, after so long of running around with this shield you've built around you, letting it down seemed so…foreign.

Because of his family society status, he never felt like anyone ever wanted to know him because of _him, _but because of his last name, DuGrey. His father was always at work or screwing around with his secretaries. His mother was rarely at home, she was either helping planning a D.A.R. event at someone else's house or she was out with her drinking buddies. Just like his father, she screwed around with men half her age.

Nevertheless, they somehow managed to get home every night and yell and complain about something Tristan did or did not do. His parents never once cared what he did until it made it look bad on the DuGrey name. It was all about the name, the status, the money, everything but their son. Since Tristan was an only child, he did not have anyone at home to talk or have sibling fights with. If he was caught talking to a maid or a butler, they were fired because 'we don't pay them to talk, talking is not their job. They are paid to do as they are as told'.

His 'relationship' with Summer was not much different then the one with his parents. To the school Summer and Tristan seemed like they were a happy couple, but behind closed doors they were constantly yelling and screaming at each other. One day she slapped him as hard as she could, which resulted in a welt across his cheek. If you asked him what caused the fight he would not know, they fought all the time so it was hard to decipher one fight from the other.

If anyone asked him if he truly liked Summer other then a fuck-buddy, his answer was always the same. Anyone could tell that he was just using her. Everyone seemed to notice this, except one, the one he was trying to make jealous. He purposely pushed Summer up against _her _locker, hoping she would get jealous. He did everything imaginable possibly to make her jealous, but time after time, he failed.

In some ways, he envied _her. _She did not have everything he wanted; she was everything he wanted. She listened to him when he spoke. She read the same things he read. He respected her, she did not throw herself at any guy in their school, hell, she didn't give in to him, she did not fall for his charm and good looks, no matter how hard the rejection was, he respected her because of it. No girl in school would have done the things she did; if he just simply _talked _to any girl, they were floating on cloud nine all day.

She got the one thing none of the others got, his respect. No one ever knew it though, but he respected her. From the moment, he admitted that to himself he knew she was no longer a conquest.

- - -

Her name was Rory Gilmore. Some people thought she was prefect. Prefect mother, prefect boyfriend, prefect life. Most people never knew how hard it was. Her father was never there for her. She only saw him twice a year, she talked to him once a week but it was not the same as actually having as having her father there. Not that she minded much now but when she was little, she was always asking her mother 'why doesn't daddy love me? Why does he lives so far away?' or 'does he not like me? Did I make him mad?' Their once was a girl in the second grade that made fun of her because of it.

Of course the older she got she began to realize it was never her fault but she wondered what it was like to have a full-time dad instead of one that she saw once or twice a year. She always wondered what it would be like to have him there at any time instead of having to pick up the phone to talk to him.

Her mother got pregnant with her at fifteen and had her at sixteen, her parents wanted her and her father to get married and have them join _their _society. Some say she was just a mistake and never should have happened. Others like her mother are beyond proud of her and are happy she is here, no matter the circumstances.

She went to Stars Hollow High. She had big dreams; she wanted to go to Harvard but in order for that to happen she had to go to a school like Chilton for that to happen. The day she found out, she was accepted was the happiest day of her life.

The first day of school at Chilton was hell, no other way to put it, complete and total hell. She ran into the walking nightmare – Paris Geller. She had a hard time keeping up in classes. Moreover, she met _him._

Her opinion of him was, he was arrogant, he knew he was good looking and used it to his advantage. At first, she did not like him, even loathed him. He nicknamed her 'Mary' for, Virgin Mary. As much as the name bugged her, she was glad it was not Mary Magdalen.

She knew she was just a conquest, plain and simple she would be nothing more then a conquest. That is what she talked herself into believing. She kicked herself every time she thought of him as good looking. She saw through his games and his shields.

When he was around her, she noticed that he would slip and let his guard down but as soon as he let it down it was back up. She knew he walked around with a mask, never reveling who he really was. When he was not around his click of 'friends', she liked him.

Their was just something likable about him when he was not being the school king. Every time she saw Summer pushed up against her locker, she felt sickened. Not because it was her locker, but in some way, she wanted to be that girl he was pushing against the locker.

She knew it was wrong to want that, she had a boyfriend. A boyfriend that cared about her.

As time went on she tired her hardest to hate him, but she failed. He slowly stopped asking her out. She enjoyed his company, he challenged her, and he could keep up with their senseless banters. The only person that could really do that was her mother.

She knew she was falling for him but tired to stop it. It was wrong, she had a boyfriend. Every time she thought of Dean she didn't get those butterflies in the pit of her stomach, she didn't get excited to see him anymore. She felt nothing when he kissed her. The sparks had died but she stayed with him. She was afraid. Of what exactly?

That Tristan would hurt her. He wasn't exactly known for his one-woman-man ways. As much as she liked him, she denied it, thinking it was for the best.

It some ways, it was a painful night; in others it was a relief. It was their three-month anniversary and he said he loved her. She sat in the car he was building for her, looking at him, not knowing what to say. He put his heart on the line and she just sat their, staring blankly at him. Some part of her was yelling at her to say something but she couldn't because she did not love him. She was tired of leading her own boyfriend on, so she sat their, dumbfounded. She would have hurt him worse if she said it back, not meaning it then she did when they broke up.

She would be lying if she said she was not hurt but it was for the best.

- - -

She needed to get out of the house. Everything began to blur together. Her mother was constantly walking on eggshells around her since her break up with Dean. She felt like she could no longer talk to her. Some part of her thought her mother was…upset they broken up because Lorelai loved Dean. Every time she mentioned him, those five words were always mentioned, _He is the prefect boyfriend._

She knew her mother understood… to an extent. He was the first boyfriend, not her first husband for crying aloud.

It had been a month since the break up and Rory was having problems denying her feelings for a certain blue-eyed blonde-haired person. Since Dean was out of the picture, he seemed more…relaxed. She did not know what it was about him but she liked the 'new side' of Tristan.

They had their regular banter, they talked and got along. The whole school took notice, as they grew closer. Since his break up with Summer, Tristan rarely had a girl up against his locker, or in his bed. It was not the fact that they tired, many tired, he was just focusing all on Rory.

"_Hey Trissy."_

_Tristan turned around from talking with Rory, looked at the platinum blonde with a to-short skirt and to-tight shirt, and rolled his eyes._

"_May I help you with something?" he asked, irritated._

"_Well," she started, twirling her hair around her finger. "My boyfriend just broke up with me and I may need some help getting over him." She said winking at him._

"_Since you're busy, I'll talk to you later." Rory said, shutting her locker and walking off._

_Tristan let out a growl of frustration. "Listen, I'm not interested. So, just go find Duncan or Bowman, I'm sure they could use a bad time." He winked at her as he finished, smirk fully in place before he turned around, and left a shocked Christa._

Tristan was happy, he and Rory were getting closer, no interruptions, not Dean, not Summer, no one.

He no longer denied she was a just a conquest. He knew he was falling for Rory Gilmore, hell, the whole damn school knew.

He expected her to be more upset over her brake up with Dean, when he questioned her about it she simply said, _"It just wasn't right. It was off; I knew it was going to happen sooner or later." _He knew there was something more to it then what she was saying but he left it alone, it was not important.

He was being the Tristan he wanted to be, he no longer cared what people thought of him anymore. He doubted his parents even noticed his change in behavior, it's not like he expected them too. They were wrapped up in their own life to give a damn about him. The only time they really paid him any attention is when the press was involved or when they _just had _to make an appearance at some function.

On October 24th, they got a late-notice invitation for a party being thrown by none other then Emily and Richard Gilmore. Whenever there was a party, being thrown at their house there was sure to be Rory and Lorelai. As per usual, his parents made him go; he did not put up much of a fight knowing he would see Rory there.

As they began their night, neither knew what the future had in store for them.

_She was wearing a pink polyester and spandex caviar beaded tube dress with a mesh satin trimmed hemline. She felt his warm breathe tickling the backside of her ear. "You like stunning to night." He whispered into her ear. A slight blush rose into her cheeks._

"_Thanks." She said, trying to calm her breathing down. She did not know how he got her all worked up over something as simple as whispering into her ear, but he did._

_He looked like every other male in the room. Black slacks, white dress shirt, black jacket and tie. Only, he looked different. He first two buttons of his shirt were un-done and his tie hung loosely around his neck. His hair was tousled and slightly sweaty. "You don't look bad yourself." she replied after giving him a look, up and down. "So, you just get out of the closest?" she asked supicisly_

_He put his hands over his chest in mock hurt. "Why would you say such a thing? I'm appalled at your behavior Gilmore." he joked._

_She rolled her eyes and smiled. "Hmm…why would I say such a thing?" she brought her index finger to her chin. "Maybe because you're all sweaty looking and your hair looks like someone were running their fingers through it maybe."_

_He let out a soft chuckle, shoving his hands into the pockets of his slacks. "How would you know I look all sweaty? You checking me out Mare?" he smirked._

_She blushed, knowing she was caught._

"_FYI, I was not in a closet. It's hot in this room."_

_She shrugged. "I don't really notice. But then again, I have nothing covering my shoulders."_

"_That's true." He agreed._

"_So, DuGrey, how long have you been here?" she asked while taking a sip of her drink._

_He shrugged his shoulders. "Thirty minutes…maybe. I'm not really sure. The time seems to drag at these parties."_

_She nodded her head with agreement._

_He looked over his shoulder as a soft slow song came on. He turned his attention back to Rory and smiled. He bowed slightly. "Miss. Gilmore would you care to join me in a dance?" he asked, holding his hand out._

_Rory could not help the butterflies forming in her stomach. She smiled at him and placed her hand in his. He led over to the dance floor, neither speaking a word. She placed a hand around his neck._

_He placed his hand on the small of her back and brought her against him. He looked down into the powerful blue eyes that have haunted him since she first arrived. "Y'know when I first got here, my first thought was to bail…but I'm glad I didn't."_

_A pink blush rose into her cheeks as she listened to how soft his voice was. How his eye never left hers as he spoke, she knew he was not using a line on her. She looked right back into his eyes, she noticed something in them…they were not guarded and they were sparkling. "I'm glad you didn't either."_

_She laughed softly as he looked down at her in surprise. Her stomach did a flip when she saw him smile. A true, genuine smile. She could not help the smile threatening to show on her lips. His smile was contagious._

Smiling just to see the smile upon your face  
These are the moments I thank God that I'm alive  
These are the moments I'll remember all my life

_She placed her head in the crook of his shoulder. "You should do that more often."_

_A soft delicate scent lofted into his nostrils. Strawberries and cream. He thought they fit well together, like a jigsaw puzzle. "Do what more often?" his voice was soft and gentle._

_She lifted her head and looked straight into his eyes. "Smile."_

I found all I've waited for  
And I could not ask for more

Looking in your eyes  
Seeing all I need

"_I've never had I reason to before," he dipped his head and gently brushed his lips against hers. They rested on hers for a few seconds before he removed them, standing up straight again. He looked down at her, her eyes were still closed. They had stopped dancing and were now standing in the middle of the dance floor._

_Slowly, she opened her eyes and looked into the face of the person she had been telling her self not to fall for. Seeing him now, she knew she fell, she fell hard. She was not surprised by the kiss. What surprised her was how soft and delicate it was. How warm his lips were. What confused was the shortness of the kiss._

_Tristan opened his mouth to say something but stopped when a finger was put over his lips, silencing him. "Don't say anything." She whispered. She dropped their hands that were joined and wrapped it around his neck. She leaned up and put her lips on his._

Everything you are is everything to me  
These are the moments  
I know heaven must exist

_He wrapped his arms around her waist and gently picked her up and swung her around in a circle. She removed her lips from his and began laughing as he continued to swing them a circle._

_The only thing that was heard in the room was Rory's laughs and music that was being played through the speakers. Everyone's attention was turned to the two teenagers in the middle of the dance floor. Neither noticing anything, being off in their world._

These are the moments I know all I need is this  
I have all I've waited for  
And I could not ask for more

_Tristan gently lowered Rory's back to the ground, never loosing eye contact. He lowered his head and pressed his lips to hers. It was soft and warming. Not pushing for anything else. He felt like he was being lifted, as if someone was picking him up and holding him towards the sky, never had he ever felt anything like this._

_Tristan was the one who broke the kiss and rested his forehead against hers. "You have no idea how long I've been waiting to do that." He whispered huskily._

_Rory's cheeks flushed a soft pink blush._

_Tristan brought his hand up and cupped the side of her face, running the pads of his thumb over the blush in her cheeks. "I love it when you blush."_

I could not ask for more than this time together  
I could not ask for more than this time with you  
Every prayer has been answered

Every dream I have's come true  
And right here in this moment is right where I'm meant to be  
Here with you here with me

_At his words, Rory blushed more. "I can't really help it." She whispered._

_Tristan smiled. "Don't worry about it."_

_It was then they noticed the whole rooms eyes were on them. Rory turned a candy-apple-red and buried her head into Tristan's shoulder. He chuckled, wrapped an arm around her waist, and led her out of the room…_

…And into the rest of their lives.

From that day on you never saw one without the other. They had their fights but they never lasted a week. They always ended up running to each other with open arms, repeating how sorry they were, and then things would be back to normal.

As Rory thought, the girl's in school hated her but that did not stop them from trying to get Tristan. Tristan would just smile at them and say _"No thanks, I have all I need right here." _

They stayed together through the remainder of Chilton. They both decided to go to Yale. She went for Journalism, he for Art/Photography. His was only a two-year course. He had surprised her when she found out he had a passion for photography.

He had an off campus apartment, which he lived alone in. Rory lived with Paris, Tana and Janet her first her and her second year with Paris. They both talked about living together but were afraid, knowing it was a big step to take. She spent most of her free time at his place. So, after a lot of talking they did it. They moved in together. They loved every single second of it.

"_It's weird, isn't." she asked, raising her head off his chest._

"_What's weird?"_

"_This. I've been picturing living with you for a while and this is how I always pictured, us." She replied, absently drawing circles on his chest._

"_Then what is so weird about it?" he asked, rubbing her back._

"_I don't know. I guess I never expected this day to come. Normally, I would go back to Paris and Doyle at the end of the night and if I did not have classes, you would insist on having me stay. Now, I'm here, in your bed –naked I might add- and I live here. It's just…surreal." While she was talking, she rested herself on her elbows so she could see his face._

"_I know what you mean. Some part of me is still not used to this and at night I'm expecting you to walk out the door." He waited a beat. "It's your fault you're naked, you could have rolled over and ignored me but… you jumped." He replied smirking._

_She scoffed. "I did not jump you. I just know your weak spots…," she grinned evilly down at him._

_He placed a supporting hand on her back and rolled them so he was on top. "And I know yours." His lips were now hovering over hers. "Y'know, I love that you are living here, with me."_

"_Me too." She whispered._

"_I love you."_

"_I love you too." She whispered once again before he crashed his lips to hers._

He had gotten a job for Hartford Daily and was spending a lot of hours at work. While at the Yale campus, Rory kept having run-ins with Logan Huntzberger. He knew she had a boyfriend and was living with him but he still tired to get her attention. He failed every time. Rory told Tristan of Logan and he told her not to worry about him.

She had just finished her third year and college, she and Tristan were planning to spend the summer together. Luke and Lorelai had recently married so they were off doing whatever newlywed couples do. He was going to take some time off from work but before that could happen he had to go to Maine for a week then the summer was theirs.

_He was running late. He rushed back into his apartment and nearly ran Rory over._

"_Whoa, Tris, where's the fire at?"_

_He ran a hand through his hair. "I'm running late and I forgot my extra film." He yelled as he reached the master bedroom. He rushed back out and opened the front door. "I'm going to miss you babe." He said as Rory followed him out. _

"_I'm going to miss too." Rory said as Tristan pulled her into an embrace._

"_I love you." He whispered into her ear._

_It was funny how after 5 years of being together, that simple little thing as whispering in her ear still got her worked up. "Yeah, I love you too." She pulled back and kissed him tenderly on the lips. "Now, get going…you're going to be even later."_

"_Good point." He pecked her one last time on the lips before he slipped back into his car._

_She watched him as he drove, as his car pulled out of sight she let out a sigh. He seemed…distant this last week and she did not know why. She turned around and walked back into the apartment. She walked into their room and saw something lying on the ground. It was a note; she picked it up and did not recognize the handwriting. _

"_Tristan,_

_I had a great time with you this week…hope everything works out with your girlfriend._

_-Katie"_

_He wouldn't, would he, she asked herself. It would explain why he seemed so distance. And what did she mean 'hope everything works out with your girlfriend' they weren't having any problems. At least she thought they weren't. She sat down on the bed and refused to let the tears fall._

That week is when disaster took control and spun their lives out of control. The evening before Tristan was suppose to return she went to the pub, to clear her mind. Since she found the note that is all she could think about. She ran into Logan and his gang that night. She got drunk and told him everything.

"…_I'm not sure what I should do. What if I am just over re-acting? What if it's something totally different and I'm making it out to be this huge deal." She rambled on._

"_I'm sure it means exactly what it sounds like." Was all her said from the couch in Rory and Tristan's apartment._

_She fell back onto the couch next to him and looked over at him. She smiled softly. He leaned over and brushed his lips against hers, waiting for some sort of sign to continue._

_- - -_

_He got an early flight back, wanting to surprise her. He was not expected home until morning but could not take the ache from being away from his girlfriend. He silently opened the front door and tip toed to the master bedroom._

_The room was in disarray. Clothes, male clothes were on the floor and the sheets were all rumpled. He looked at the bed and felt his heart clench. He saw her stir and he slowly backed out of the room and into the living room._

_Five minutes later, he heard footsteps down the hall._

"_Tristan?" she asked, wrapping the sheet tightly around her body. "What you…"_

"_I was going to surprise you. I missed you, so I took an early flight back." He whispered, looking at his hands._

_She knew from his voice that he was crying. "I-I don't know what to say…"_

"_Funny, that was my thought when I walked into the bedroom." He said bitterly._

_She gasped, forgetting all about Logan. "Tristan, it wasn't what it looked like." She tired reaching out to touch him but he jerked away from her. She knew she should not be hurt, she just had sex with another man, she couldn't blame him, but it still hurt._

"_Really, because I was thinking you had sex with someone who wasn't me. Guess that was my mind-playing trick on me. So, would you care to explain what happened then?" he asked, finally looking at her._

_She could not help her heart breaking as she saw his face. His eyes were red and puffy. Men weren't supposed to cry, it didn't look right when men cried. It made them look weak._

_She did not say anything, just stood there, willing the tears not to fall._

"_That's what I thought. I have to get out of here." He stood up and walked over to the door. "You should go back to bed, I'm sure your friend is missing you." With that said, he walked out of the door…And out of Rory Gilmore's life._

Tristan was never the same after that night. He tired to ignore the emptiness he felt, tired to feel again, he tired to fill that hole in his heart. But he knew nothing could make him feel whole again, to feel again, to have his whole heart again. The only person who could make that pain go away was the one who caused it.

He ignored her, her phone calls, her emails, and her letters. Just seeing her name reminded him of that night.

Every time he went out and brought a female home, he couldn't go through with it, he felt like he was cheating on her, even though they were over with, he still felt like he was cheating on her.

She was all he thought about, all he cared about, the only one he loved and she betrayed him. How could he trust someone after what she did? He knew not everybody would betray your trust but when someone so close to you, cheats on you, you start to question if everyone on your life has been lying to you. It's not fair to those people but its something that you always wonder about.

Months after they ended, he lost his job. He could not focus on his work, his photos, everything began to blur together. Days seemed to last forever, time seemed at a stand still. He rarely left the surroundings of his apartment. He did everything he could to rid the memories. He painted the living room a vibrant red. He painted the kitchen a pastel yellow. He bought new furniture. He did everything he could think of in each room but still, there was still one room left un-touched. He could not force himself to go into that room. It was like walking into a room with no oxygen.

_She broke his heart he spent his whole life tryin' to forget_

He soon started drinking. Most of the time it was Jack Daniel's in his hands. It was a quick high to forget about her, to get her taste out of his mouth, to make himself forget the pain of reality. Soon, one drink wasn't enough, and he started to pour drink after drink.

_We watched him drink his pain away a little at a time  
But he never could get drunk enough to get her off his mind  
Until the night_

Nobody had heard from him in three days and started too worried. Two more days passed and no word from Tristan. His parents called Rory and asked if they had heard from him, they knew Rory was a last resort. After the phone call, Rory got worried and went over to his apartment. It pained her to call it _his _apartment when it used to be _theirs._

She knocked on the door.

No answer.

She tired looking through the windows but the curtains were drawn. She spent ten minutes banging on everything she could think of. She was about to walk away when she thought of something.

She climbed the metal fence that led to the patio. She slowly walked over to the door and placed her hand on the knob, hoping-praying- it was unlocked. She slowly turned it and heard a click. She pushed it open slowly. It was dark; none of the lamps were on. Cautiously, she stepped forward and she paused, letting her eyes adjust to the darkness.

She did not see a body lying on either of the couches. Slowly she walked out of the living room and looked around the kitchen. So was so intent on finding him and making sure he was ok she did not even register that he had painted and changed most of the apartment.

As she started down the hall she paused at the door, almost sure he was in there. With a thud, the door swung open revealing an empty bedroom. Tears stung her eye. He left it exactly as she had the day she left. Nothing about the room was different. The bed was still a mess. Her side of the closet still open, the hangers still their. She was sure he even left the light on and it eventually burned out. As she walked over to the nightstand, she noticed the dust on it.

Picking up the picture frame that lay face down, the tears trickled down as she saw his smiling face. She traced his face with her finger and tears fell. Remembering why she was here, she placed the picture back down and walked out of the room. Wiping her eyes as she made her way toward the guest bedroom, she could not help the guilt. She always regretted what she did. She always would. But it did not help to know that he couldn't even go in the room.

She knocked. No answer. Bracing herself, she slowly opened the door. The tears she had been holding back fell freely now. On his nightstand was an empty bottle of whiskey. There was also a note on it. She slowly walked over towards the bed. "Tristan?" she whispered. "Tristan, you're scaring me." She gave him a nudge in the shoulder, he still did not move. "C'mon Tristan, this isn't funny." She said, thinking he was ignoring her.

She looked over at the bottle, picking up the note that was taped to it. Her tears came down faster and harder. She set the note down and pulled herself up on his bed. With a little difficulty, she turned him over. She moved so her legs were placed on either side of him. She looked down at him; he looked like he was at peace. Like he was happy.

She trialed her finger along his face, feeling the stubbly that was on his face. She leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on his lips. As she pulled back, everything that happened hit her full force. She buried her head in his chest, sobbing. "You can't do this to me. You can't leave me…I need you." She sobbed.

She missed him. She needed him. She loved him and he was dead.

_He put that bottle to his head and pulled the trigger  
And finally drank away her memory  
Life is short but this time it was bigger_

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt. I love you so much." She sobbed in to his lifeless body. "I need you, I'm lost without you."

_Than the strength he had to get up off his knees  
We found him with his face down in the pillow  
With a note that said I'll love her till I die_

- - -

She knew everyone walked on eggshells around her since Tristan's death. They kept trying to comfort her. They kept telling her it wasn't her fault. She would always shrug off their comfort and every time someone said is wasn't her fault, she just looked down and shook her head, fighting back the tears.

In the society world, every one would say sweet things to her but as soon as her back was turned, they were whispering. Always gossiping about the latest rumors about her.

_The rumors flew but nobody knew how much she blamed herself_

She clung to her pillow at night, pretending it was him, pretending she could feel his heart beat under her cheek, pretending to feel the warmth he sent through her with a simple touch, pretending as if she was ok, pretending she could feel him rubbing the small, soothing circles on the small of her back as she slept.

Pretending. That is all she seemed to be doing anymore.

_She plastered a smile on her face before knocking on the door. The door swung open and he stood there, with his shield up. He was in a pair of gray jogging pants and a white wife beater. His eyes were red. "What are you doing here Rory?"_

_She flinched at the way he said her name. As if he was a little boy who just said a word he was not suppose to say. He said it with so much bitterness it hurt. "I wanted to talk to you…," she said slowly._

"_Sorry, I'm not in the mood for a talk."_

_He was about the shut the door when Rory placed her foot in the way, "Please, just hear me out, Tristan." she begged._

_He stared at her. Trying to decided weather to let her in or not. Silently, he opened the door wider. She let out a breath she did not know she had been holding. She walked into the apartment they once called their own. Tears stung her eyes at that thought._

_She turned around and found him staring at her. She took a deep breath. The time is now, she thought. "I know what I did was wrong. I shouldn't have done it but-" Tristan cut her off._

"_Listen, if you came over here to tell me this, you're wasting your breath. I've already heard it." He snapped._

"_Right." She said. She opened her purse, pulled something out, and passed it to him. "I found it on the floor after you left. So, I guess you can understand my actions." She snapped back._

_He laughed. A deep dry laugh. He passed the note back to Rory and said, "Rory, I never once cheated on you, you're stupid for even thinking I would."_

"_Yeah right, so, how do you explain the note?" she asked, throwing her hands in the air._

_He shrugged. "Doesn't matter anymore."_

_She looked up in his eyes they were hard as ice. "Like hell it doesn't. Why would you do something like that Tristan?"_

"_Don't you dare say that!" He yelled. "I didn't cheat on you Rory, you cheated on me!"_

"_Then explain the fucking note." Her voice matched his._

_He turned on his heal and walked down the hall. She heard a door open. A minute later, he came out hold something in his hands. _

_He shoved it in to her hands. "Katie is a friend of the families, I asked for her help since you both have similar taste. When we were done we caught up since I haven't seen her since high school."_

_Rory looked down at her hands and gasped. It was a small velvet box. She slowly lifted the lid. It was an 18k_ _White Gold Setting with Rubies. "Is this?" she asked, shocked._

"_Yeah." He said softly._

"_I-I didn't know." She said as tears streamed down her cheeks._

"_I know, it was supposed to be a surprise. Katie was even helping me plan the whole thing." He said sadly._

"_Tristan-"she started but was cut off again._

"_Don't. I don't want you to tell me you love it; I don't want you to tell me how beautiful it is. You should have known better Rory. You should have known I would never cheat on you." He paused and took a deep breath. "When I walked into the room, I could literally hear my heart brake. I mean, the girl I wanted to marry, the girl I loved was in bed with another man. It hurt but what also hurt was you did it in **our **bed. And what made it worse; I couldn't wait until I was back to ask you so I caught an early flight back, just to see you, to ask you."_

_He saw as her tears came down harder. He just wanted to reach out wipe them away, make everything all better but that wasn't going to happen. She made a mistake and she was going to pay. Not realizing, they all paid in the end._

_She hated crying in front of him like this. She wrapped her arms around herself, trying to get in control of her body. She passed the ring back to him and turned for the front door. As she opened the door, she turned around and looked at him. "I really am sorry Tris, I should have known better but I didn't. I made a mistake, and that mistake cost my something I can never replace._

"_In some ways, I want to be mad at you, but in others, I know I only have myself to blame for this. You are really the best thing that ever happened to me. You have no idea how much I blame myself. I wake up and just wish I could take it back." She paused to wipe to tears away. "But I know I can't, and it kills me. I know I hurt you, and for that, I am sorry. I just wanted to let you know… I still love you." She took one last look at his face. "I just wished you still loved me." She added sadly._

"_Goodbye Tristan." She said and walked out the door…And out of Tristan DuGrey's life._

"_I still love you… I always will." He whispered to the closed door._

That day tore her apart. It added to the guilt she was already feeling. Now knowing she had no reason to blame him, he did nothing wrong. But dammit, she wanted a reason to blame him. She did not want all this guilt. She did not want to feel this alone, this empty. She knew she was being selfish.

She loved that ring, it was beautiful. He did a good job, but sadly, she never got the chance to wear it.

He died from alcohol poisoning.

Shortly after Tristan's death, she started drinking. She spent her time alone in the dark, staring at pictures of them or reading the note that Tristan wrote her.

"I know I made a lot of mistakes in my life. People used to ask me if I regretted us, the whole thing, from beginning to end. At first, I thought I did. I do not regret a day I spent with you, a day talked with you, a day I we fought, a time we made love. I do not regret anything about us. I don't like the way it ended but maybe that was a hurdle we were suppose to get past.

We didn't pass it babe. Maybe it had to do with your betrayal of trust. At the time, I thought if we did get back, together we would turn out like my parents and I didn't want that. You deserved better. I almost ran to your apartment once. But I let you go. I needed to let you go. But don't for one minute think I _ever _quit loving you, because I didn't. I still love you. I always will!

Tristan (BB)"

Ever time she read the note it tore her apart. She would brake down in tears.

But the moment she stepped out of the house, she had to be the perfect daughter and granddaughter again. She had to be elegant and beautiful. She could never let the weakness show. She hated it when she was told to quit mourning his death. They did not understand, but they said they knew the pain she was going through.

_For years and years she tried to hide the whiskey on her breath  
She finally drank her pain away a little at a time  
But she never could get drunk enough to get him off her mind  
Until the night_

She cried herself to sleep every night. Wishing the tears would stop, but they never did. They would never stop. Just like her love for him, it never stopped.

She took to Jack Daniel's; it was déjà vu in an ironic sort of way. She started drinking the last thing that he tasted, the last thing he drank. Soon she started to refuse to go to her grandparent's functions. She stopped meeting Lorelai.

When Tristan died he left everything to her.

"_Rory, honey, what are you looking for?" The female asked her daughter. She on watched on as the younger Lorelai franticly searched for something._

"_This." Rory said turning around. She held her hand out to show her mother._

_Lorelai gasped. "It's beautiful. Whose is it?"_

"_Mine." Rory said, slipping her engagement ring on her finger._

From that day on Rory never took the ring off. She wore it no matter what she was doing.

Because Tristan left everything to her and she didn't have a job, she moved into their old apartment.

- - -

She knocked on the door. She was suppose to meet her for lunch but never showed. She knew her daughter was not the same but was not like her to miss a lunch date.

No answer.

Lorelai started to knock louder, thinking Rory must have fallen asleep.

No answer.

She picked up the plants that was on the doorstep and picked up the spare key.

She walked into the apartment to find it fully lit. All the lights were on. "Rory?" she called out, closing the door behind her. She yelled out for her daughter again but no answer. She walked down the hall and knocked on the first door. She opened it and peaked into the study, no one was in it. "Ror, c'mon, this isn't funny."

She stopped at the next door, opening it. It was the bathroom – nothing.

Lorelai was starting to panic. She walked to the end of the hall, knowing her daughter did not sleep in the guest bedroom. She slowly opened the door and froze.

_She put that bottle to her head and pulled the trigger  
And finally drank away his memory  
Life is short but this time it was bigger_

As if she was in a trance she moved toward the bed. She sat down at the ended and gently shook Rory's leg. "What have you done?" she whispered, her worst fears realized.

_Than the strength she had to get up off her knees  
We found her with her face down in the pillow  
Clinging to his picture for dear life  
We laid her next to him beneath the willow  
While the angels sang a whiskey lullaby_

_- -_

_- -_

Hope you enjoyed!

The confrontation with Rory and Tristan was supose to be _way _different but I like the way it turned out.

If you get confused or have any questions let me know and answer 'em.

Eh, as much as I dislike Logan I had a hard time making him the guy Rory cheated with.

Personally, I loved this and I hope you guys will too!

Don't forget to review!

_**Kelli**_


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